Tuesday, September 15, 2009

In preparation for Talk Like a Pirate Day, I bought four pineapples. (Both tasty and decorative!) Earlier tonight, Elaine took me by the hand and dragged me into the kitchen where the pineapples are lined up, rather impressively, along the counter. She pointed up at them and declared, "Eat pinecone!"

After I regained my composure, I decided to strike a deal. Now, I wasn't about to cut into one of the fresh, whole pineapples, but I did have a can of pineapple slices in the cupboard. I also had a daughter who until very recently would answer, "What does a pirate say?", with a good, hearty "ARRR!" But with one week until our big pirate party, she had suddenly decided that, actually, pirates say, "NNNNN!" And she has been taking great delight in torturing me with that.

So, I told Elaine, pineapple would be a good treat for a little pirate. Then I asked, "What do pirates say?" She thought about it for a moment, and then she gave me a good, hearty "ARRR!" Apparently, pineapple is more valuable to little pirates than torturing their mothers.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

I've been having an absolutely fantastic time maintaining a yard of my own. It's like playing Diablo -- but even more satisfying. Instead of hacking apart re-animated skeletons and lava monsters, I get to hack apart plant beasts. So far, I've completely shredded three rhododendrons and have severely hacked back innumerable shrubs. (Okay, I could probably numerate them if I wanted to... But, it's much more fun to attack them with sharpened hedge shears than to count them, despite what Sesame St. would have you believe.)

Of course, I've planted things too. Three roses: a yellow one called Radiant Perfume; a pink one called Spellbound; and a white one called Pope John Paul II. Also, two camellia bushes to replace the rhododendrons. (Camellias are much more interesting people than rhododendrons.) But, really, gardening seems to be mostly about fighting plants back as they war to take over your yard. It's epic, really.

My hedge shears are sharp, but the hedge keeps growing!